If your child is being bullied, you just can't read the latest books on the market fast enough. I know. I tried and found that I could not keep up with the constant taunts that my 10 year old daughter had to face day in and day out at her elementary school. I did, however, find a couple of gems in my search for help and answers to stop this attack on my child.
An absolute must for all moms, dad, caregivers, grandparents, teachers, yard duties (both paid and volunteers), and school principals and administrators is Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman. While it was written with older children in mind, it really educated me on the whole girl world dynamic. This book should be required reading for all persons involved with children.
One added bonus was that I finally understood what had happened to me back in the 8th grade when I was unwittingly attacked from behind by my Queen Bee. It took me 30 years to realize it was all thanks to her.
Currently, I am reading The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander by Barbara Coloroso. This is a brilliant book which actually goes into great depth as to the why and how of the actions of the bully and the bystander. It promises to help me turn things around. I am half way through and hoping to learn some useful tools that I can teach my daughter before she heads back off to school next month. I'll be sure to pass along any and all insight I gain from this read. I promise!:)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
When Bullying Results In Murder
This past week back east a 25 year old Latino man, father of two was brutalized and murdered at the hands of 5 -17 year olds and their leader, an 18 year old college student. This is bullying at it worst folks. Their violent (bullying) actions were racially motivated.
The usual excuses were given: "We didn't mean to hurt him." Yeah, yeah! Spare me the violin act! When you punched him to the ground and kicked him, not once but repeatedly in the head, you meant to kill him! These criminals must be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
The greatest tragedy is not that these young men have ruined their own lives, but this poor man's children will suffer their entire life-times for the grotesque actions of these teenage bullies.
The usual excuses were given: "We didn't mean to hurt him." Yeah, yeah! Spare me the violin act! When you punched him to the ground and kicked him, not once but repeatedly in the head, you meant to kill him! These criminals must be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
The greatest tragedy is not that these young men have ruined their own lives, but this poor man's children will suffer their entire life-times for the grotesque actions of these teenage bullies.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Spoiled Rotten
Let's face it. We are raising the most spoiled generation of children to ever walk the face of planet earth. Don't get me wrong. I am guilty as charged. My children say things that shock me on a regular basis. That being the case, I also let them know just how spoiled their comments sound and inform them that I am not raising spoiled brats.
Our children have literally everything under the sun. In fact, they have 2 and 3 of just about every toy ever made! What ever happened to "good things come to those who wait"? When I was a kid and wanted a new toy or gadget, my mother told me I'd have to wait until my birthday or Christmas. And that was always a long way off.
At the beginning of the year there was a report on a family that had come upon hard times. The dad was unemployed and the wife was studying to be a nurse. They took their three beautiful girls to the grocery store to buy food and only food. I was stunned to hear the mother say, "Oh, they are going to ask for a toy. They always get toys when we come. They are not going to be happy." How ridiculous is that? Every time these girls go to the supermarket, they get a toy?
Who is to blame for our children being spoiled? You guessed it. We are! So, it is time to admit it and get to work on fixing it. Step one: Repeat after me. N-O. NO.
Our children have literally everything under the sun. In fact, they have 2 and 3 of just about every toy ever made! What ever happened to "good things come to those who wait"? When I was a kid and wanted a new toy or gadget, my mother told me I'd have to wait until my birthday or Christmas. And that was always a long way off.
At the beginning of the year there was a report on a family that had come upon hard times. The dad was unemployed and the wife was studying to be a nurse. They took their three beautiful girls to the grocery store to buy food and only food. I was stunned to hear the mother say, "Oh, they are going to ask for a toy. They always get toys when we come. They are not going to be happy." How ridiculous is that? Every time these girls go to the supermarket, they get a toy?
Who is to blame for our children being spoiled? You guessed it. We are! So, it is time to admit it and get to work on fixing it. Step one: Repeat after me. N-O. NO.
The Green Eyed Monster
Today another mom and I decided to do something a little extra special for our daughters' soccer team. The team was attending a soccer camp in near 100 degree weather today, so we surprised them with ice cream sundaes. My daughter Halley asked if her best friend could have a sundae. We moms agreed, but insisted that the friend eat with our team as we did not want there to be any problems.
To make a long story short, Halley comes back with her best friend's little sister also attending with her team. We asked the girl to sit and eat her sundae with us. She said she wanted to go back with her team. We again asked her to stay with us. Well, the green eyed monsters were already rearing their ugly heads. Three of the girls on her team marched right up to our table and asked if they could have some ice cream. Put in a bad situation, I counted 5 girls, but they seemed to be rapidly multiplying.
So, I asked how many girls were on the team. They answered 13. Yikes! We did not have enough for the whole team. When we told them that we did not have enough, one of the girls was clearly angry as they returned to their spot in the shade.
When our little friend went back over to her team, the girls, led by the angry one, began to yell at her. We moms had decided to make them a dish and stick the remaining 4 spoons in it. We called over the little girl so she could take it back to her teammates who promptly demanded she bring more spoons. Then, the original three girls ran up to us and demanded 2 more spoons! We were stunned! We told them that we had no more spoons. They demanded 2 more spoons yet again.
When they were unable to obtain more spoons, they stormed off. I did yell out to them that their parents would be very disappointed at their behavior. The other mom added that they didn't even bother to say thank you! Unbelievable!
To make a long story short, Halley comes back with her best friend's little sister also attending with her team. We asked the girl to sit and eat her sundae with us. She said she wanted to go back with her team. We again asked her to stay with us. Well, the green eyed monsters were already rearing their ugly heads. Three of the girls on her team marched right up to our table and asked if they could have some ice cream. Put in a bad situation, I counted 5 girls, but they seemed to be rapidly multiplying.
So, I asked how many girls were on the team. They answered 13. Yikes! We did not have enough for the whole team. When we told them that we did not have enough, one of the girls was clearly angry as they returned to their spot in the shade.
When our little friend went back over to her team, the girls, led by the angry one, began to yell at her. We moms had decided to make them a dish and stick the remaining 4 spoons in it. We called over the little girl so she could take it back to her teammates who promptly demanded she bring more spoons. Then, the original three girls ran up to us and demanded 2 more spoons! We were stunned! We told them that we had no more spoons. They demanded 2 more spoons yet again.
When they were unable to obtain more spoons, they stormed off. I did yell out to them that their parents would be very disappointed at their behavior. The other mom added that they didn't even bother to say thank you! Unbelievable!
Normal Bullying?
Can you imagine a school administrator describing bullying (heck it was sexual assault!) as "normal bullying"??? What the heck is going on in this country? This took place in Sunnyvale, Texas where the abuse went on for years, was reported, and not one responsible adult did anything about it!!! As a nation and as parents, we should be outraged! I know I am! What about you?
There is nothing normal about bullying! Until we redefine our society's definition of bullying, the violence that is bullying will continue. When adults are verbally and physically attacked, we press charges. Why do we allow crimes against our children (read bullying) go unpunished?
By calling the crime of violence against our children "bullying" (which translates into "normal", acceptable" behavior that goes unpunished by law) we are allowing terrible injustices and abuse to occur unchecked in our homes, schools, and workplace. Let's not forget that bullies grow up to be bully bosses and some become hardened criminals.
There is nothing normal about bullying! Until we redefine our society's definition of bullying, the violence that is bullying will continue. When adults are verbally and physically attacked, we press charges. Why do we allow crimes against our children (read bullying) go unpunished?
By calling the crime of violence against our children "bullying" (which translates into "normal", acceptable" behavior that goes unpunished by law) we are allowing terrible injustices and abuse to occur unchecked in our homes, schools, and workplace. Let's not forget that bullies grow up to be bully bosses and some become hardened criminals.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Kudos to Penelope Cruz!
Yeah! It's about time we added some star power to the national campaign to end bullying. Headline News reported today that Penelope Cruz has made a harsh statement by saying that gossip and rumors have a lasting and devastating affect on future generations.
You bet your sweet petunia it affects future generations! Every mom who has had to pick up the pieces of their once happy, vivacious child knows that the targets don't come out of it unscathed. Funny, bullying can take a matter of seconds, but the victims carry the scars of the bullying in their psyche for a lifetime. And let's not forget that 1 out of 4 children are bullied every single day at school! Thanks Penelope!
You bet your sweet petunia it affects future generations! Every mom who has had to pick up the pieces of their once happy, vivacious child knows that the targets don't come out of it unscathed. Funny, bullying can take a matter of seconds, but the victims carry the scars of the bullying in their psyche for a lifetime. And let's not forget that 1 out of 4 children are bullied every single day at school! Thanks Penelope!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice
That's just not what little girls are made of these days. I was watching the M & J Show the other day and they were discussing the violent behavior of girls that we are all seeing splashed all over the Headlines. We've all heard about the videos being taken while "friends" beat up another "friend" to post it on one of the popular sites like You Tube or My Space.
The actions of these teens is despicable and unconscionable. One of the hosts asked the guest child psychologist why these girls are exhibiting "male" violent behavior. His answer surprised me. He said that with the blurring of the gender lines, our girls are becoming more violent.
Don't even get me started on the daily violence they witness when playing video games, watching television, and movies! Well, okay. Get me started, but I'll have to tackle the topic of violent media marketed to our children another time to be announced.
The catty behavior starts in primary school. It is so subtle that the teachers don't even see or hear it. For my youngest daughter, the catty behavior started in 2nd grade. I remember the hard time that 3 girls used to give her in the classroom. To her credit, that 2nd grade teacher actually did catch it and did address it on more than one occasion.
But what about the girls who get away with the catty behavior? Year after year, they go around humiliating the girls who are not in their inner circle. Those girls become ostracized by the other girls because they do not want to be humiliated themselves. When left uncorrected, the catty behavior creates an inescapable vicious circle. The victims are not physically hurt, but they are mentally and emotionally devastated.
The actions of these teens is despicable and unconscionable. One of the hosts asked the guest child psychologist why these girls are exhibiting "male" violent behavior. His answer surprised me. He said that with the blurring of the gender lines, our girls are becoming more violent.
Don't even get me started on the daily violence they witness when playing video games, watching television, and movies! Well, okay. Get me started, but I'll have to tackle the topic of violent media marketed to our children another time to be announced.
The catty behavior starts in primary school. It is so subtle that the teachers don't even see or hear it. For my youngest daughter, the catty behavior started in 2nd grade. I remember the hard time that 3 girls used to give her in the classroom. To her credit, that 2nd grade teacher actually did catch it and did address it on more than one occasion.
But what about the girls who get away with the catty behavior? Year after year, they go around humiliating the girls who are not in their inner circle. Those girls become ostracized by the other girls because they do not want to be humiliated themselves. When left uncorrected, the catty behavior creates an inescapable vicious circle. The victims are not physically hurt, but they are mentally and emotionally devastated.
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